To Smoke or Not to Smoke

I am busy thinking with my fingers again. So much to think about this time of year. (What with the Royal Wedding and all.) I am contemplating a try at smoking cessation. I know that it would be better for my health but I am not sure I can accomplish it. Just cutting back has been hard. Really, there is no try, only do. I either stop or I don’t. See, my conflict is not the addiction, it is health vs enjoyment. I have come to enjoy a good smoke with a cup of coffee, or while I watch the sunset, or when I am with good friends just being friends. It has become part of my deep thinking process, part of my relaxation process and part of my socialization/I feel good process. I can barely remember what I used to do. I paced, I ranted, I doodled, I rarely relaxed. What do I replace it with now? This conflict arose as I began to journal about myself and who I am and what I believe. If I believe that I am responsible for my health, then I need to take responsibility. How can I justify this behavior to myself? Is is worth the risks and effects? And then there is the addiction.