Distilled thoughts

Today I joined the ranks of West Virginia bootleggers as I distilled months of thoughts and emotions into a cup of liquid fire and drank it in one gulp. It’s best to get it over with, splutter and cough, and move on to the next project.
All in all, the summer was bitter sweet. It was filled with hopes, friends and precious moments, punctuated by moments of intense reclaimed baggage. It was over too soon and I left WI for WV feeling gypped.
The fall has been filled with frantic cleaning, inside and out. It seemed to pass by like fart in the wind. And here it is, almost winter at last. Time for a good hibernation. Well, maybe a brief snooze will do. Anyway. After distillation, the only thing worth aging like a fine wine is living, breathing souls. Friends, family, cats, and arguably, the nature around me. All the rest is just so much window dressing and clutter. The past helps mold who we are but does not define us. I am who I am but who will I become? That will be the next project.

when is it too much?

when is it too much

shared memories, laughs and sorrows
etched by virtue of common parents
unbreakable bonds some might say
no thought of eternal tomorrows
trapped and loosed at will
like weapons of mass destruction
upon the unsuspecting sibling

Snippets

Tonight is a sad night. I can’t tell you exactly why, but I feel sad. I will be going back to

WV on Tuesday. It is time for me to go but I still feel very sad. I will miss K very much. I miss my son, too. It’s a funny hollow kind of feeling that I have whenever I think of the people I love being so far away. Some how it seems that the meaningless minutia of life takes on greater importance. Feeling connected is definitely strengthened by sharing of these little things. I know that K doesn’t get that. Sometimes I call her just to hear what she’s up to or tell her what I’m doing. Unfortunately, what I’m doing in my life is often just ordinary things. She shakes her head and wonders why I call ‘just because’ and talk about stupid things like doing laundry, or dishes. I admit, that there are times I have absolutely nothing to say except, I miss you. Of course, these feelings are not limited to my kids. I miss everyone. WV seems so far away and so isolated. Not even my husband really cares about my minutia. You know, the simple things like why I hate that TV commercial or why I liked that movie. Nobody wants to hear a quote from a book they haven’t read, and probably never will read, just because it tickled me. I guess those things are now relegated to the blog. My nameless ancestors will hear all the simple things that I care to dump on them without complaint.

Tonight I was just thinking about the tiny still frames in my mind. The cherished memories that have no significance other than their meaning to me. The sweet sound of K’s voice when she was 2 and the expressions on her face when she told me epic stories. T falling asleep in my arms with his little hand clutching mine. The wonderful relaxation of having a cigarette and watching the horses with a friend. Some of my snippets go back to my own childhood. Laughing with my mom at 2 in the morning over some silly thing and sharing a snack. Sleeping in the back of the car with the murmuring of my parents voices in the front. A collage of images, feelings and senses that I wish I could frame and hang on my wall.