It was just like any other day, at least it was when I woke up this morning. I had forgotten to start the dishwasher before bed and so, I turned the dial as I walked through the kitchen on the way to my cigarettes. Cigarette in hand, I headed for the coffee. Shit! The carafe was in the dishwasher. Did I want instant? Only if there where no other choice or a loaded gun to my head. That’s when I made the fatal mistake of not removing the carafe instantly and beginning my day correctly. (a decision that haunted me) Instead, I had a tiny can of coke, puffed my camel and moved on to my next task. I was headed into the pit of hell to buy the only dairy free margarine to be had for miles around. It was unwise to enter Walmart at any time and doubly so without at least one cup of joe under my belt. But there I went, since Thanksgiving was in a couple of days and margarine is essential to stuffing. Once inside, I was on complete autopilot since my brain automatically abdicated the moment I walked through the sliding doors. I was assaulted by endless canned Christmas carols and cinnamon fragranced pine cones. Past the fresh produce, the frozen pizza’s and the screaming infant in meat department, I plodded. Got the green package of margarine and trying not to drool and twitch, I headed for the self check out. In line ahead of me was a VERY large man, in very large puce sweat pants, with an unwashed mullet and body odor that makes dead skunk at 100 degrees on freshly tarred asphalt a pleasant enjoyable experience. He was buying cheese whiz and beer. I kept my eyes averted and still my retina were seared beyond repair from the view of his plumber’s canyon oozing something green when he bent to grab his plastic bag. As I tried to swallow I watched his size 11 XX wide purpled feet in their iridescent flip-flops squelch away.
Outside, having survived the excursion into hell, I found Mr. Universe trying to wedge himself into a Toyota truck. There was a pale young man attempting to squeeze the right bum of Mt Fuji onto the seat without actually touching anything. Next to this scene was the lovely sight of dead deer tied to the roof of a minivan with a support tata’s bumper sticker.
Why the hell not? This is my question of the day. Why the hell not? You want fish and peanuts for Thanksgiving? Why the hell not. You prefer throwback pepsi to coke? Why the hell not. Want to radically change careers? Why the hell not. You want to dance naked on the back porch? Why the hell not. What have we got to lose? Let your brain go. Have an analysis holiday and pretend that reality doesn’t exist. Who needs it anyway? As long as you only break the law in your mind and nobody gets hurt, why the hell not!
If I want to sell everything I have and buy a horse ranch, why the hell not!? If I want to burn Bridges of Madison County in my fire pit and celebrate with a frozen Mike's lemonade, why the hell not? If I want to move somewhere that the median IQ is above 80, why the hell not!? If I want to get outside my comfort zone and enjoy it!!! why the hell not? I am ranting now and not really making much sense but I don’t care. Why am I always doing what I should do? I just want to do somethings that are just because. The more I let my imagination go, the crazier my ideas get. Eventually, I will come up with the in between and then . . . why the hell not.