Who are these silent strangers waiting for me to know who they are?

Friday, April 29, 2011

To Smoke or Not to Smoke

I am busy thinking with my fingers again. So much to think about this time of year. (What with the Royal Wedding and all.) I am contemplating a try at smoking cessation. I know that it would be better for my health but I am not sure I can accomplish it. Just cutting back has been hard. Really, there is no try, only do. I either stop or I don’t. See, my conflict is not the addiction, it is health vs enjoyment. I have come to enjoy a good smoke with a cup of coffee, or while I watch the sunset, or when I am with good friends just being friends. It has become part of my deep thinking process, part of my relaxation process and part of my socialization/I feel good process. I can barely remember what I used to do. I paced, I ranted, I doodled, I rarely relaxed. What do I replace it with now? This conflict arose as I began to journal about myself and who I am and what I believe. If I believe that I am responsible for my health, then I need to take responsibility. How can I justify this behavior to myself? Is is worth the risks and effects? And then there is the addiction.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Feeling deeply philosophical

Atheism is the world of reality, it is reason, it is freedom, Atheism is human concern, and intellectual honesty to a degree that the religious mind cannot begin to understand. And yet it is more than this. Atheism is not an old religion, it is not a new and coming religion, in fact it is not, and never has been, a religion at all. The definition of Atheism is magnificent in its simplicity: Atheism is merely the bed-rock of sanity in a world of madness.

Humans continue to evolve. We are more than just a body. We have a mind that is physical, a soul that is the generator or energy that keeps us going and we have a spirit or energy body. Most us need no proof that our physical body (mind) exists. We know because, we are. Our mind is both a physical brain and the intangible - thoughts, emotions, etc. Will we reach a point where freed from our physical bodies we can encompass fully the spiritual body?

There are 10 dimensions. 6 of them outside of time and space. In a purely spiritual (energy based) body will we be able to be outside of time and space? This is backed by quantum physics.

We create our reality. Our thoughts and intentions affect the world around us. In this way we (and everything in this physical world) are connected. This is also backed by quantum physics and by numerous studies in various fields.
In a purely spiritual (energy) based body, we are still connected and it is from this that we affect the world around us. What would you do if once outside the physical, time, and space you could see all of history? From this vantage point, you could see where everything was headed and where it came from. Can we exist in spirit without the presence of the physical. I mean if the earth blew apart and was utterly destroyed, what would happen to the energy (the spirit)? Would the collective energy of everything recreate a new one? Would we, in energy form, want to expel, get rid of, eradicate those energies that want death, destruction, chaos and disharmony? These would certainly recreate these very things. If together we create what we want, what do we want this to be? How do we get rid of the negative? Is that the purpose of religion?

It is interesting that all major religions recognize the spirit element and try to regulate our thoughts and behaviors to be harmonious. (A task that both fails and succeeds) It seems that there is always some that try to deny the spirit (energy) and fear the connections. These seem to actively work against connecting and try to stop all attempts by others to connect and/or talk about connecting.

I am still thinking about these things but I will stop writing and concentrate. It is hard to keep the theology and religion separate from logic.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Chronicles of Mike

I am Mike. I like being Mike and everyone should like Mike, too. Above all else, I like peace. I also like the complete devotion and dedication of my caretakers.

To begin with I feel compelled to let tell you that I reject 75% of what humans regard as reality and truth. Humans are fundamentally flawed. Many of them only see the negatives in this world. So, while their are some enlightened individuals, I tend to disregard most of what they say. They don’t even like themselves! Truly! How can you take anything they say seriously when they start from a foundation of self doubt, self hate and utter disconnection from the world around them.

In my world, the most important thing is love. Love is a foundation that you can build anything upon. I know, to many humans that sounds sappy. But, of course it does, because they do not value or understand its importance. I think perhaps I am getting ahead of myself (or at least my human audience).

The World.
The world is one complete unit. Every component works independently but together. What is the world? The world is the earth beneath us, the sky, the water, the plants, the animals, and the humans. In short, all the naturally occurring life. Things that no human has control of, though many persist in believing in the illusion of control. Delusions of grandeur, is what I think. Whether or no, the rain will fall, the sun will shine, we will live or die and no one has control. Humans refuse to take responsibility for their part in this magnificent world, and instead fight against its very nature. They simultaneously try to keep everything alive (even past what is natural) and then seemingly, do everything in their power to destroy, poison, and maim the very life they are trying to preserve. What are they about? Until they stop and take a look at themselves, and here I mean each individual examining their inner self, they will get no where. Without first excepting their place in an interconnected world, without excepting what they do have power over (self), they remain powerless. Each thought, each word profoundly affects who they are on the inside. And affecting themselves, affects the world around them.

I know that I have presented you with a lot. Let me just emphasize here that the foundation for everything is self. That is all you have control over. In order to effect any change, you have to take a serious inventory of yourself. What do you believe? What do you tell yourself? How do you view yourself? What are things you like and don’t like about yourself? What are the things you have control over? If you do not know the answers to these questions, you cannot proceed. If you look inside yourself and you do not find love and acceptance, you will fail miserably when trying to find it anywhere else. I’d like to point out that their are some aspects about ourselves we have no control over. But we do have control over what we do with those things. For instance, none of us choose what family we are born into or how genetics puts us together. Think about it.

My first advice is to work out the answers to these questions and then, at least, you can begin to build a foundation. Can you accept yourself fully? Can you say, “I accept myself , with all my flaws, and love who I am?” If not, my next lesson may help you to learn to love yourself. But, for now, concentrate on just knowing yourself and what you really are.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Rain and a good book

Today it was raining old men and their derbies. I was working for a friend and since no one was coming into the shop I decided to read. I reread Black Beauty. I haven't read that since I was 8! People eventually came in to shop but by then I was in a very good mood. I noticed a large lady in an even larger pink hoodie running to her van with 5 or 6 bags of groceries. Did she think she could run between the drops? Then their was the elderly gentleman and his gentlemanly Scottish terrier. They calmly strode through the rain. He as wearing a wide brimmed hat and a mac and so was his little dog. I was positive that if I heard him speak he would have an English accent. It was quite amusing when the wide brimmed gentleman met the old colonel. The colonel has a little bull terrier. He walks his dog everyday, rain or shine. The colonel always wears his leather flight jacket and veterans baseball cap. They surveyed each other, both too disciplined to do more than nod. The dogs were extremely well mannered as well. They approached each other stiffly. Smelled each others asses and wagged their tails. (the dogs not the men). Now I must stop and pay attention to Z. He is quite insistent and it is hard to type.

Friday, April 15, 2011


So, here it is - Tax Day! One of the few days that truly instills a deep sense of distaste and sometimes a bit of hostility mixed in. Of the two, Death and Taxes, sometimes I think I prefer the Death. For your consideration:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. ~Author unknown, from a Washington Post word contest

Of course the truth is that the congresspersons are too busy raising campaign money to read the laws they pass. The laws are written by staff tax nerds who can put pretty much any wording they want in there. I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the U.S. Tax Code, you'd find at least one sex scene ("'Yes, yes, YES!' moaned Vanessa as Lance, his taut body moist with moisture, again and again depreciated her adjusted gross rate of annualized fiscal debenture"). ~Dave Barry

If, from the more wretched parts of the old world, we look at those which are in an advanced stage of improvement, we still find the greedy hand of government thrusting itself into every corner and crevice of industry, and grasping the spoil of the multitude. Invention is continually exercised, to furnish new pretenses for revenues and taxation. It watches prosperity as its prey and permits none to escape without tribute. ~Thomas Paine

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. ~Mark Twain, Notebook, 1902

[On completing tax returns].This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher
-Albert Einstein

The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
-Will Rogers

Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!’
-Rob Knauerhase

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
-Tom Lehrer

[The tax code] is a monstrosity and there's only one thing to do with it. Scrap it, kill it, drive a stake through its heart, bury it and hope it never rises again to terrorize the American people.
-Steve Forbes

If it didn't hurt so much, I'd laugh.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Too Much Time

I hate it when I am sick. You know, the kind of sick when, laying down you feel tired but okay, but when you get up and try to do anything useful you are struck with unpleasant symptoms? As a result I am left surfing, and reading and otherwise feeling muddleheaded. I just spent a good deal of time looking at the pictures I have on my laptop. I love my kitties. That's all. Just gotta say, love my kitties.

Monday, April 11, 2011

human beings

Just a human being

today when i looked into the mirror
i saw a human being
not good or bad
not a woman or a monster
for many years when i looked
i didn’t see anything
i had vacated - i was safe
as a child i was sure
that if i looked hard enough
i could be something else
something that was safe
i could be a horse, or a bird
now i am back and
a friend told me
“when i see you, i see a human being
just like me - do you see me?”
and i did see him
there was a human being looking out of his eyes
we human beings are not perfect
we make mistakes
sometimes we hurt each other
sometimes we love each other
but now that i inhabit my flesh again
i long to see other, imperfect humans
accepting me for who i am
hoping they really see me

today when i looked into the mirror
i saw a human
just a human being

Is forgiveness divine?

I am contemplating the nature of forgiveness. What is true forgiveness? Is it when you say it? Or is it when you feel it? When someone causes you pain and/or changes your whole life, especially if that someone betrays a trust, do you ever stop feeling the pain? Certainly, forgiveness is not forgetting. Somethings you never forget. Is it loving yourself enough to love the pain-giver?
Consider Thoreau's Walden - "There is no odor so bad as that which arises from goodness tainted. It is human, it is divine, carrion. If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with a conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life ... No, in this case, I would rather suffer evil the natural way. A man is not a good man to me because he will feed me if I should be starving, or warm me if I should be freezing, or pull me out of a ditch if I should ever fall into one. I can find you a Newfoundland dog that will do as much. Philanthropy is not love for one's fellow-man in the broadest sense ... I never heard of a philanthropic meeting in which it was sincerely proposed to do any good to me, or the likes of me.

The Jesuits were quite balked by those Indians who, being burned at the stake, suggested new modes of torture to their tormentors. Being superior to physical suffering, it sometimes chanced that they were superior to any consolation which the missionaries could offer, and the law to do as you would be done by fell with less persuasiveness on the ears of those who, for their part, did not care how they were done by, who loved their enemies after a new fashion, and came very near freely forgiving them all they did.

Be sure that you give the poor the aid they most need, though it be your example which leaves them far behind. If you give money, spend yourself with it, and do not merely abandon it to them..." To some forgiveness (or even the awareness they done something that needs forgiving) is a alien as it was to these indians. Is forgiveness hypocritical if you benevolently forgive without meaning it? Perhaps when I see the persons as much a victim of their nature as I am, perhaps then I can pity them. But can I go the additional step and love them. Or at least love the lovable parts of them? They can't truly be all bad.

I accept that the pain inflicted on me is now a part of me but I refuse to accept that it defines me. I will not give anyone that kind of power over me. I reclaim me.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

good for the soul

I have been doing a lot of thinking - deep thoughts. Or at least deep in thought. What are those things that are good for the soul. Everyone can tell you the things that are good for the body or the mind, but what about the soul? Maybe it's different for each person but I think for most there are certain things that are good for the soul. Being somewhere in nature, so far removed from machines and noise, that you can hear your heart beat. That's good for my soul. Hearing someone sing in a voice so crystal clear you can't hear the words. That's good. Having a purring cat fall asleep in my arms so soundly he snores. Definitely good. Talking to a friend you haven't seen in a long time, in person. One of the best. An afternoon when you do not have to think about anything, including other people is very nice. (especially if it includes a long, luxurious bath) Laughing so hard you nearly pee or making some else laugh so hard they nearly pee. Feeling the breathe of a certain gentlemanly horse near me. Reading a good book or watching a good movie, alone or with friends, and feeling every emotion under the sky. Feeling the warmth of the sun in spring and smelling the newness of the world after a gentle rain.

Sometimes I guess, all I need is a hug.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Rabbits can be eagles

I only want to help
the old woman said
the rabbit knew that
the old woman meant well
Inside the rabbit knew
she had never
never been beaten
she had never ever
been very bad so the rabbit was sure
the old woman just
meant well

It’s not your fault
the man said
the rabbit knew that
the old man had never seen
the old man did not know
only if she were very bad
did it make sense
no one could really see
if they did they would know
that she was very bad

just don’t think about it
said the little bird
the rabbit knew that
the little bird didn’t think
the rabbit knew she couldn’t
not think
anymore than she couldn’t
not breathe
she had tried but
everywhere were big reminders
too many to ignore.

Rabbit thought
i will hide and be safe
no matter where rabbit went
she still thought
and she was still bad
and she was still beaten
so what could she do

then rabbit saw the sun
it was shining bright
when rabbit looked down
into the water
rabbit saw
she saw herself
with all the scars
she saw that inside
she was not bad
when she hid herself
she was still beaten
because she
was doing the beating
inside she was good
she was part of the sunlight

the next time someone
looked at the rabbit
they saw
what rabbit saw
they saw a rabbit not hiding
they saw a bit of sunlight
they saw how beautiful
a rabbit can be.